Al-Jazeera just wrote a story
about racism in Arkansas. Everyone knows about Harrison and its
KKK ties, but there is a great diverse population in Northwest
Arkansas, particularly in Fayetteville and Eureka Springs. Nobody
ever hears about this beautiful community.
I'm from Fayetteville, Arkansas and I'm a Lesbian. I moved to Massachusetts
for a couple of years. I thought it would be a Lesbian's heaven. My marriage
would be legal, and I would have great health insurance, and of
course the beach would be nearby. Life would be great, right?
I absolutely hated it. The first week there, someone yelled, "Homo!" at
me while I was in my car. There was no real gay community-
unless you wanted to go hook up, or to church, or to some online site.
That's not the type of community that I was looking for, and I don't
do church, so... I felt like a fish out of water. The main thing that
I realized is that there is hate everywhere. But in Fayetteville,
Arkansas, we have a sense of community.
Recently, our town lost a big human rights ordinance. Ordinance 119
“seeks to protect and safeguard the right and opportunity of all persons
to be free from unfair discrimination based on real or perceived race,
ethnicity, national origin, age, gender, gender identity, gender
expression, familial status, marital status, socioeconomic background,
religion, sexual orientation, disability and veteran status.”
Terrible tactics were used to repeal this ordinance by TLC's 19 Kids and
Counting stars, The Duggars, and by their financiers, NOM
( National Organization for Marriage).
Michelle Duggar recorded a hateful, trans-phobic robocall
encouraging voters to overturn Ordinance 119.
Lies were spread that Ministers would have to preside over
weddings for LGBTQ couples, even though the ordinance had an exclusion
for ministers. They also bought up domain names of
their opponents and had all traffic redirected to their own site.
So, I am greatly aware of the hurdles that Fayetteville and
other communities face. We could have focused on the hate. We could
have fought back and played dirty. We didn't. We canvassed. We talked
to our friends and relatives. We informed as many as we could about
the facts. And at the end of it all we gathered in a Local Restaurant to
watch as the votes were tallied. After a couple of hours of hope filled conversation
and anxious glances at the television, the results came in. That night,
we lost a battle for Human rights by 483 votes. The majority voted
on the rights of the minority, and once again the minority lost.
The LGBTQ, the People of Color, the Veterans, the Alternatively-Abled -
everyone affected by this repeal of civil rights- they responded to this
news with tears, with pain, with sadness but, ultimately,
with Love.
Let me repeat that.
The spread of hate and lies has affected this small town, but our
community responded with Love. That says something great for Arkansas
and other southern states. We are tough and we will endure until
equality is reached!
Here is some footage from the watch party. I hope that at some point,
Al-Jazeera, and other news sources, could write a piece that shows, not just the bad side of the
south, but the good side.
PS I moved back to Fayetteville. How can we change anything if the
Agents of Change keep moving away from the areas that need it the most?
I think most of us have seen the new YouTube video, "How not to
react when your son tells you that he is gay." If not, I have
posted it below. I don't think that many people realize the deep
bigotry and hate that is prevalent in many southern 'Christian'
households. You may not see the bigotry at first sight.
They cover it up and call it, 'Conditional Love, in the name of
God' or "I just don't want you to go to hell, dear." Insert fake
smile.
I was 26 years old when I came out to my mother. I was actually
outed by a local newspaper in Fayetteville, Arkansas. At that time,
I was about to go on tour with SONiA and Disappear Fear. The
newspaper article mentioned that the band was lead by a Lesbian
Activist. My brother worked for the newspaper, and he saw the
article first. I had come out to my brother about a year earlier,
to a good response, but apparently he thought that he would save
my parents some heartache, and so he made sure that they didn't
get their newspaper that day. I received a call from my mother
about a week later. She and my dad had gone to my sister's house
and my sister showed them a copy of the newspaper.
First she asked me if I was, "One of them gay people." When I said,
"Yes," there were many tears shed. "You know, Angela, that God does not condone
that kind of behavior? If you continue this lifestyle, you will go to
hell when you die."
Somehow though, by the end of the conversation she had the courage to
ask, "How do two women have sex anyway?" Embarrassed and stunned I
responded, "Mom, you really don't want to have this conversation. Don't
ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to." Little did I
know that she really did want to know the answer to that question,
because she has continued to ask it throughout the years. Somehow,
I still don't have the courage to answer her.
Fortunately, at the time of my outing I did not live with my parents.
My dad is a Pentecostal preacher, and I had moved out when I was 18 so
that I could have more freedom in my life. But, after leaving disappear fear, rotating through other bands such as Jorian Oxygen, recouping from
a neck injury, moving on to write my own music as Oxygen Edge, and a separation from my wife, I find myself yet again
living in my parent's household. I have been fortunate that, though they
still give me 'hell' about my 'lifestyle choices', they have been
there for me as I have been on this financial roller coaster called
Independent Musician. Still, the homophobic and bigoted comments that
come out of my mother's mouth deeply shatter any gains in strength
that I have achieved as an out and vocal feminist lesbian. At some
point during my slide to 'head bowed, grateful, I'm-not-going-to-talk-back-but-I'm-still-gay-ness,' I decided to start a diary to help me deal.
12 July 2014
"You should really start dressing more like a girl."
No words
13 July 2014
"Ya know, ____ didn't act gay until he became gay. When you become gay,
people start acting their part."
"Mom, people don't become gay, they are born gay."
"No, they're not."
14 July 2014
"Has _____ ever been married?"
"No."
"She's not GAY is she?"
"She has dated women in the past but she has also dated men."
Blank stare
15 July 2014
My mom told me that today God told her his plan for me. She was all
smug and happy. Like,
"Thank God there is a reason why I'm being put
through the hell of having a daughter who 'says she's a lesbian'.
God has a plan."
Should I even ask and did I mention that I'm an atheist?
19 July 2014
"I don't understand. These women go around, not wanting a man in their
life, but they sure don't mind using man's sperm so they can have
themselves a baby."
5 August 2014
Today I got my mom to dance with me for some exercise. We danced
all around the house to Pharrell's song 'Happy'. We had a great
time and, afterwards,I decided to take a picture of me and my mom.
I then tweeted the photo to The Ellen Show because I was wearing
my Ellen shirt. Mom got really upset at the thought that Ellen
might put it on her show and people would think that my mom was gay.
I said,
"Mom, if your friends are watching The Ellen Show then
they must not have a problem with it."
This was her response,
"Ya never know who might be watching it just to see those gays."
All I could do was shake my head and repeat,
"Those gays. Those gays..."
My mom knows that I am a lesbian woman. The idea that I am no
different from the people that she has promptly boxed up and labeled
"those gays," never even occurs to her. The happiness drained from
my whole body. I decided to go outside
and sit in the sun to clear my head.
Upon meeting Sonia's grandmother in the nursing home:
People are hurting all around me. And I close my eyes to shut out the tears. I've seen more tears this year than anytime before this. So many unhappy people. I want to reach out, but I never know exactly what to do.
She looked at me and said,
"I'm in so much pain. Just so much Pain,"
and the sadness in her eyes made me shake. I tried to not cry. I could feel her pain, and I knew that one day it would be mine. Because in the end, it's all of ours.
